


On The Loose

by Vanessa_Cocotea



Category: Doctor Who: Eighth Doctor Adventures - Various Authors, Universal Studios Monsters
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 09:12:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanessa_Cocotea/pseuds/Vanessa_Cocotea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight and Fitz spend time in an alien hypermarket. Fitz does the shopping and Eight runs afoul of flying carpets and classic monsters. He is saved by a surprise guest who gives him the only thing he can handle, given the day he's had...</p><p>This is much more like my usual Halloween stuff - totally unreal, but funny, insanity!</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Loose

ON THE LOOSE

Eight/Fitz

Eight and Fitz leave chaos in their wake on the planet, Aluumuch.

Fitz groaned. The place was vast, several acres at least. The Doctor called it a 'hypermarket' and said there was nothing like it on Earth. Oh, there were hypermarkets on Earth, he'd said, but nothing like the one on the planet, Aluumuch, in the city of Keshbarra. The Keshbarran hypermarket was a holiday in itself, according to the information in the TARDIS's databanks. Fitz wondered if the place had a bed and breakfast or an inn. It certainly seemed to have everything else! It also had a very exited Doctor! He said he wanted to do a 'bit of shopping'. That meant they'd be there for the next millennium - particularly, if there were any free samples on offer. Fitz was about to murder another cigarette when the Doctor came over, pulling one trolley and pushing another. He gave Fitz a disparaging look. Fitz sighed and put away the cigarette packet.

"Here." The Doctor shoved a trolley towards Fitz and passed him a sheet of paper and a map. "You take this part of the market," he pointed on the map, "and I'll do the other half. We'll meet here," he pointed again, "at dinnertime. Any questions, use this." He passed Fitz a sort of mini-walkie talkie. He called it a mobile. Fitz started to ask how to use it, but the Doctor had already dashed off, leaving his empty trolley and muttering something about 'shivers'. Fitz shook his head, wondering how to use this 'mobile' thing, when he noticed that the Doctor had written the instructions at the top of the shopping list he'd given Fitz. "Oh. Okay." Fitz muttered to himself, then he took off towards 'office supplies', wondering what, in Lennon's name, "iridescent tac" was and why the Doctor wanted a dozen cases of it...

********

The Doctor stood in front of the 'Abode of Shivers', looking decidedly interested. He knew the Keshbarran hypermarket had its own funfair, but this hadn't been listed in the TARDIS's databanks. So, as he had always enjoyed these 'haunted house' attractions, he decided to investigate. But before he'd taken two steps towards the queue, he was assailed by the most incredible smell...

********

Fitz stared in increasing wonder and confusion at the list of items on the shopping list the Doctor had given him. He had yet to buy any of them. If Fitz thought "iridescent tac" was weird, it was nothing to what some of the other things were. The Doctor expected him to find and purchase something called "extra virgin pomfraisementhe reduction" and he wanted twelve barrels of it! Fitz just shook his head. Some of the other things were normal enough, he guessed, but the quantities were unbelievable! 15 kilos of diamonds! Size - 5.3 millimetres across! How could the Doctor possibly need that many diamonds?? And the wines! 30 bottles of rum and, Fitz wasn't sure he was reading this correctly, did it really say, "aloe/cocoa" WINE?? He didn't even THINK about trying to understand the 23 other varieties the Doctor had listed - or why the Doctor wanted a GROSS of chocolate Weetabix packets, he just decided to start with the diamonds. He took off for the jewellery section - where he was asked for identification...

********

The Doctor found himself waylaid by a number of unusual samples that he just COULDN'T resist trying! The first one he sampled looked like a green potato and tasted like sweet corn cooked in a vanilla/ soya sauce. It was quite unusual and surprisingly good! He then sampled a rose/chamomile/vanilla white tea blend, which was heavenly. By the time he'd decided he'd best head back to the "Abode of Shivers", he'd sampled so many things, he was sure he wouldn't need any lunch!

He arrived at the "Abode of Shivers" and soon found himself, along with at least thirty other people, strapped into individual flying carpets. In moments, the carpets took off through the entry doors and the ride had begun...

********

The sales assistant explained to Fitz that he needed a valid ID in order to purchase such a large quantity of diamonds. Fitz sighed and pulled out the identity card the Doctor had made for him and had assured Fitz that it would work anywhere in the multi-verse. The assistant raised an eyebrow at the octagonal bit of plastic, but ran it through a reader and found no difficulties and Fitz soon had his 15 kilos of diamonds. He and the assistant thanked each other and Fitz then made his first of many trips back to the TARDIS to off-load.

********

The ride through the "Abode of Shivers" proved interesting enough, but conventional. The Doctor decided to liven things up a bit. Using his voice-throwing abilities, he caused the voices of the famous "Universal Monsters" to emanate through various mundane objects, such as Dracula wanting to sip everyone's blood via a skeleton light fixture dangling from the roof of the ride corridor. Or the Frankenstein monster, inviting everyone to join him in smoking a cigar, from the depths of a witch's cauldron. The Doctor's little antics caused quite a few real screams. But, the Doctor himself let out not a few shouts of surprise, when a few spooky voices sounded like they were coming straight through his own body! But that was nothing to what lay ahead...

********

In the meantime, Fitz had decided to take a break. He was exhausted and was not a third of the way through his list. If Fitz was buying all the stuff on HIS list, what could the Doctor possibly be buying?? At this rate, even this place would have nothing left! And where was the Doctor, anyway? Fitz reckoned he'd look for him at dinnertime, as they'd arranged. Right now, he just sat down at the cafe - in the smoking section, and had a beer and a smoke.

After a bit, Fitz reckoned he'd best get back to shopping. Next on his list was "Earl Grey toothpaste" and "chocolate dental floss". He thought "chocolate dental floss" sounded like a contradiction in terms, till he saw the packet and realised the stuff only contained "chocolate essence" and not actually chocolate. He collected the six and half dozen tubes of toothpaste and the twenty six packets of floss and went to the magazine section for the latest issue of "Alien Train Enthusiast". It was then that he bumped into a giant half-witch, half-pumpkin creature and remembered it was Halloween! It had completely slipped his mind and, presumably, the Doctor's as well. Fancy the Doctor not mentioning Halloween! And where was he, by the way? It was near to dinnertime and Fitz could just see the place where they were to meet and there was no sign of the Doctor. Fitz was about to go search for him, when he remembered the mobile the Doctor had given him. He pulled out the instructions and rang the Doctor's number, not noticing that a tracking feature had been engaged.

********

The Doctor, in the meantime, was having the most bizarre theme park ride of his lives! He'd just felt something to his right and looked over to find a real, giant, green lizard sitting beside him on the flying carpet! As if that weren't strange enough, the lizard was calmly eating an ice cream cornet! The Doctor squeaked, and the lizard, still staring straight ahead and eating his ice cream, moved over - but gave no other acknowledgment of the Doctor's presence! The Doctor wasn't given time to sort the phenomenon out, because Mr Hyde - of "Jekyll and Hyde" fame, had just popped up, stolen the lizard's cornet, taken a taste from it and had then just picked up the lizard and they both then just disappeared! The Doctor was speechless! This was turning out to be a very bizarre Halloween. He didn't know the half of it!

Monsters - real and NOT of the Doctor's doing, were popping up all over the place. They were going through people, pretending to eat them, calling the riders by name - which REALLY freaked everyone out, including the Doctor. Everyone was glad when the ride reached its last few moments and the carpets started to slow down. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, until, before the riders had been able to dismount, the carpets took off again! The riders were getting a second ride - which NO ONE was interested in! The ride had malfunctioned and the riders were destined to take several rides over and over until the workers were able to sort out the trouble!

********

Fitz got no answer when he rang the Doctor's number. He was unaware that the Doctor had been asked, along with everyone else, to switch off any mobiles. Fitz wasn't sure what was wrong. He still hadn't paid attention to the tracking feature. But he did remember the Doctor saying something about "shivers" and decided to enquire if anyone might know what that meant. He decided to ask at the cafe.

********

There were over thirty terrified riders at the "Abode of Shivers", including the Doctor. And more than twice that many workers trying to sort out how the ride had gone super berserk! Weird explosions had gone off at random places and times, lights would go off and on AND change colour, and the carpets would, without warning, fly backwards. None of these occurrences were properly part of the ride. Workers were going nearly as mad as the riders! The Doctor was beginning to seriously lose his interest in these "haunted house" attractions. He was beginning to wonder if they would EVER get out and what would Fitz be thinking? He was contemplating all this, when Hyde popped up again, changed into Jekyll, then back to Hyde again and flew right through every passenger in the ride. Screams went on for some time. The riders were exhausted and were getting very tired of all the nonsense. Dracula popped up and poured blood over everyone, the Frankenstein monster did his little bit by causing the carpets to shock their passengers, the Wolfman poured hair clippings over them all and the Mummy tried to tie them all together with bandages. It was getting too much. People were passing out. All of them just wanted out!

********

Fitz finally found out about the "Abode of Shivers" from the first aid rooms. He started to head towards the place, when he heard an announcement over the tannoy. '"The Abode of Shivers" attraction will be closed until further notice'. Fitz was then nearly bowled over by a rush of people, who all looked much the worse for wear. He didn't see the Doctor. Fitz kept walking and finally spotted the Doctor. He was looking decidedly dazed and very "green about the gills". He was also covered in what looked like blood and hair and bandages! Fitz rushed over...

Generally speaking, Fitz was used to discovering the Doctor in all manner of conditions, but the specifics could still get him every time. He took one look at the Doctor and gasped. The Doctor didn't look as though he'd been injured in any way, he just looked totally freaked out. When he got to the Doctor, the Doctor looked at Fitz and murmured, 'Never again. Never again...'

'Doctor, what happened in there?' Fitz noticed the Doctor had taken on a dazed look again. 'You need to sit down and take a breather.' He guided the Doctor to a secluded sitting area and left him to go get him some much needed tea. When Fitz came back with the tea - hot, sweet and milky, the Doctor had his head on his arms. Fitz considered taking him to the first aid rooms, but knowing the Doctor as he did, he knew he probably would refuse to go, insisting he would be fine. So be it. But Fitz would himself insist that the Doctor go back to the TARDIS and at least get cleaned up after he'd had his tea. He'd carry him back, if he had to.

The tea worked its usual miracles and the Doctor soon seemed more like his old self. He and Fitz discussed the Doctor's experiences in the "Abode of Shivers" ride.

'Thank you, Fitz!' The Doctor smiled, then continued. 'It was the usual sort of "haunted house" ride - which I've always enjoyed, until the lizard popped up and then the monsters...'

'Monsters?' Fitz queried, holding back a laugh. It obviously wasn't funny, but Fitz still felt the urge to laugh.

'Believe it or not, yes! The real thing! Classic monsters - Dracula, the Frankenstein monster, Wolfman, the Mummy and even the "good" Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde - who had a penchant for ice cream. They weren't holograms, animatronic, or people dressed up, but the real flesh and blood, so to speak, monsters. They went berserk, the ride went berserk and, as you saw, all the riders. Near as I can reckon, they are still trying to sort it out. The workers managed to get us out, but they are still in there with the monsters. I can only hope they fix everything soon. If those monsters escape...'

Fitz blew out his cheeks. 'Whew!' He was starting to look dazed himself. Still, they had come to the Hypermarket for a reason. 'Doctor, why don't you just take it easy for the rest of the time. Go back to the TARDIS, clean up and then just enjoy yourself. I take it for granted that you don't just want to leave.' Fitz smiled.

'Certainly not!' He smiled. 'I could use a good clean, though. I don't think wearing werewolf hair, blood and bandages is a good look for me! But I still have my shopping to do. Don't want to miss that!'

'Doctor, I'll do your list. You relax! You've been through quite a bit. Just relax.'

'That's very kind of you, Fitz, but I don't think I can...'

'Yes, you can! Now back to the TARDIS! Or do you want me to carry you back over my shoulder!' Fitz grinned wickedly.

'Nononono! Definitely not!'

'Then scram!'

'Yes, Sir!' The Doctor mock-saluted and left, after giving Fitz his list...

********

A relatively short time later, the Doctor emerged from the TARDIS, in immaculate condition. He had on a spotless duplicate of his "velvet, linen and silk" ensemble and his famous curls were freshly washed and shone beautifully. He was still a bit shook up over his experience at the "Abode of Shivers", but was feeling better. He arrived back at the cafe to find Fitz had disappeared. He sighed, reckoning that Fitz had just gone off to do the rest of the shopping on the list the Doctor had given him. He started to search for Fitz, keeping clear of the "Abode of Shivers". He finally located Fitz at a smoke shop.

The Doctor snuck up behind Fitz and said, grinning, 'This isn't on my list!' Fitz jumped four feet into the air. The Doctor laughed.

'Ah! Don't DO that!' Fitz exclaimed. 'I KNOW it's not on your list! I just thought I'd take a look.' He added defencively. 'I'll get to the shopping, but I thought you might like dinner first.'

'That would be a good idea, yes. I am quite peckish. Where shall we go?' The Doctor smiled. 'There are plenty of places to choose from.'

In the end, they chose a sort of fancy canteen place and took their food out to the central eating area. The Doctor had ratatouille and wine. Fitz had a cheese and tomato sandwich and a beer. He wasn't sure what sort of cheese the sandwich had - he couldn't pronounce its name, but it tasted okay and it didn't make him ill, so he tucked in. During their meal, they talked.

'Doctor, how come you forgot to mention it was Halloween? I have no idea what made me forget, but why didn't you mention it?'

'Just caught up in things, I guess. Can't think of any other reason. But, it does remind me, we need to get things to give out for tricks or treats. I know a perfect spot for the TARDIS. Should be great for the little ones.' He grinned, then sighed. 'Normally, I love handing the treats out. But, after this afternoon, would you do it, Fitz?'

'Not really my thing - never done it before. But, sure, why not?' Fitz smiled. "Might be fun."

'Good man!' They finished their lunch and went off, Fitz to do the rest of the shopping and the Doctor to just wander round the place. They had agreed to meet back at the sweet shop.

********

The Doctor strode round, just taking in the sights and indulging in more samples. He also found himself at more rides, fortunately, far from the "Abode of Shivers". He tried the Carousel and the Dodgems and whatever other "safe" rides he could find. He tried to take a pony ride, but was told he was too big. Disappointed, he went off towards the Dodgems again. Then he left, discovered an antique bookshop and spent a few hours there.

********

Fitz alternated between doing the shopping and other things, including attempting to chat up a few alien women. He wasn't particularly successful. Probably, due to the enormous amount of "kiddie sweets" in his trolley. He figured he probably should have off-loaded them first. He sighed and took another break...

********

After straightening out the kinks in his spine, the Doctor figured he'd better get back to Fitz. He bought a couple of books and went to the sweet shop. He didn't see Fitz there. Fitz was at another cafe nearby, smoking and drinking another beer. The Doctor shook his head and went over. Fitz quickly stubbed out his cigarette.

'Done already?' He enquired, somewhat guiltily.

'Well, it has been a few hours, Fitz. Get everything?'

'Yes, it's all back in the TARDIS.'

'Good! Now, just a few more things and we can go.' The Doctor took off for the sweet shop and Fitz, grabbing his beer, followed.

The Doctor had one thing in mind, that he particularly wanted. 'Do you have White Heather chocolates and toffees?'

The assistant looked extremely puzzled. 'And what would those be, sir?'

The Doctor looked even more puzzled. He would have thought that the Keshbarran hypermarket would certainly have had those! He pulled out a small, empty, round tin and showed the sales assistant. 'Here - but in a larger size. They're excellent!'

The assistant shook his head and said, much to the Doctor's dismay, 'No, sir, sorry. Don't believe we've ever had those. Maybe, if you tried...' He never got to finish. Screams were heard all over the entire market. Before the Doctor and Fitz had got outside the shop, they were nearly bowled over. They looked up to see the Frankenstein monster looming over them. The monsters had escaped the "Abode of Shivers" and were running amok...

********

'Well,' thought the Doctor, 'it was inevitable, I suppose.' He wondered about Fitz. He was looking exceptionally freaked out. He hadn't even hollered. The Doctor's thoughts didn't go any further. The shop assistant had just thrown a small vat of caramel sauce at the monster, thereby, giving everyone a chance to escape. Everyone in the shop raced out to join the throngs outside. The Frankenstein monster staggered round and started crashing into everything in sight.

No one knew how the monsters had broken out, or how five monsters and a lizard could do so much damage, but the entire Keshbarran hypermarket was in chaos. Nothing was left intact, except for the tannoy - for a brief moment, to let everyone know that "the Keshbarran hypermarket will be closed until further notice". People were then informed that they had ten minutes to leave the market. It took half that for the place to be emptied. The Doctor and Fitz took even less time to reach the TARDIS and dematerialise.

********

Back in the TARDIS, travelling in vortex, the Doctor and Fitz didn't speak for some time - they couldn't. The whole experience had just been too much, even for their vast experience in the weirdness of the multi-verse. They just flopped on to the floor of the console room and stared into nothing...

Finally Fitz broke the silence. He had a couple of questions for the Doctor. 'Doctor, any ideas on how Dracula managed to be out in daylight?'

'Well,' the Doctor replied, 'near as I can reckon, I remember reading somewhere once, that if a vampire places earth from his native home in his shoes, he - or she, can move about in daylight safely. Maybe, that's what he did.' He grinned at Fitz.

'Hmm. Interesting. Also, I was just wondering why you're not trick or treating this year. I thought you loved doing that.' Fitz grinned.

'Normally, yes. It can be great fun. I remember one time, Grace and I went out and, apart from one or two chocolate bars for ourselves, we gave all our takings to the children at Grace's hospital. That was the best Halloween I believe I've ever had. But, to answer your question, this year, after what happened at Keshbarra, I don't think I could take an endless parade of monsters - even in miniature form.' He smiled at Fitz.

'Yes, I take your point. And well done, doing that hospital thing. Very good of you both!'

'Thank you!' The Doctor started to get up. 'And now it's time for a proper rest and then I'll help you get ready for the little ones after we've landed. I may not feel up to passing out the goodies, but I can help you get ready AND give you a few pointers.'

'Right-oh!' They both went to their rooms and fell asleep for the next few hours. In the meantime, the TARDIS herself did a little decorating...

********

Both Fitz and the Doctor woke up some time later. They stumbled into the console room at about the same time and both almost fell over. The TARDIS had been decorating and the room looked fantastic! Even Jasper and Stewart had joined in and were hanging upside down from girders. The two men gasped and grinned. 'Thanks, old girl!' The Doctor beamed. Fitz also echoed his thanks. Now all that was left was for the two to get ready. It took the Doctor seconds as he was wearing his traditional velvet, linen and silk. Fitz opted for the "Phantom of the Opera" and he looked quite good. They got the goodies ready by the TARDIS doors and the Doctor busied himself with the console, in order to avoid seeing any monsters.

'By the way,' Fitz asked, 'where are we?'

'On the edge of London near Hampstead Heath. And, believe it or not, the chameleon circuit has cooperated and the TARDIS looks like one of those old-fashioned Victorian houses with what is called, "gingerbread" trim.'

'Cool. How long do you think it will be...' Fitz asked - just as a knock was heard...

********

For the next several hours, Fitz got a real taste of what it was like passing out treats on Halloween. He was bouncing up and down worse than a yo-yo. But he was surprised to discover that he actually enjoyed it. The childrens' costumes were amazing. The Doctor alternated between hiding behind the console and sitting in his reading chair - with his back to the door. However, he frequently found himself sneaking looks at the TV scanner. Fortunately, he didn't see any monsters. This year, all the children seem to have gone "pop culture".

There was one bit of excitement when the Doctor noticed a blur scurrying across the floor, then apparently, a third bat on the girders and then a child's voice shouting, 'Garibaldi! NO! Come down from there!' A miniature pirate ran into the console room and retrieved a large cat dressed in a bat costume from a girder. The little pirate mumbled, 'Sorry!' and withdrew, with the cat, to the area in front of the TARDIS, saying, 'Naughty Garibaldi!'. Then assorted giggling was heard. The Doctor and Fitz joined in the laughter. Both the little pirate AND Garibaldi were given treats. The Doctor had fetched a few kitty treats for the cat. After all, Wolsey had plenty and as long as his supply of vanilla ice cream was untouched, he didn't mind sharing a few ordinary kitty treats. Thank yous were heard from the group of trick or treaters and then they left. The Doctor and Fitz were still chuckling when they sat down to take a rest.

They decided that, as long as there weren't any monsters, the Doctor would take on the treat dispensing duties. Fitz would still handle any monsters. After all, the Doctor loved Halloween too much not to get involved at all! But he was still a bit bothered by his experiences at the "Abode of Shivers", so Fitz monitored the monitor and said, 'Your turn!', when there were no monsters.

Many hours later, they were treat-less and exhausted! And starving! They opted for supper in the console room.

********

During supper, Fitz mentioned that he had had a hard time finding the Doctor and that he couldn't get through on the mobile. The Doctor apologised and said that everyone at the ride had been asked to switch off their mobiles and other such things. Then he asked why Fitz hadn't used the tracking feature to find him.

'What "tracking feature"?' Fitz asked, puzzled.

'This.' The Doctor pulled out his mobile and showed Fitz the feature.

'That's a tracking feature? I thought it was one of those "screen saver" things, you told me about once.' He looked at the Doctor. 'You didn't put any instructions for that on your list.'

'Didn't I? Sorry.'

'How does it work, anyway?'

'It's a neat little piece of technology that takes a flash-less photo of whoever is holding it. Then it keeps track of that person. You must have accidentally pressed the "engage" button.' The Doctor said. 'Wonderful little gadgets, these mobiles. I picked them up on the planet, Zea Nipper.'

'Fascinating.'

'If you've finished, how about we just relax with a film?'

'Ooh, are you ready for a horror movie now, Doctor?' Fitz teased.

'Good heavens, no!' The Doctor actually trembled a bit. 'Nothing scary, please!' I'll look round the library and see what I can find.'

A few hours later, the Doctor had chosen his film. Fitz was totally gobsmacked by the Doctor's choice. The Doctor had chosen, "Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper"! He explained that that seemed the only film he'd found that wouldn't give him the frights! And he liked the princess's name - it had also been his mother's name. AND he liked singing along with all of the songs! So, Fitz agreed to spend Halloween night with the Doctor, watching a film aimed at little human girls! But, Fitz had to admit, the Princess and the Pauper did have the most extraordinary figures!

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be a birthday present to myself in 2010! But RL got in the way and I only got a few paragraphs done. So, I ended up turning it into a Halloween story for 2011. The Doctor's mother's name is Annalisse. This is confirmed in the Regeneration book - copyright 2000 - on page 49..


End file.
